SHOUTING IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS
I wanted to share here the Instagram post I shared when I was finally diagnosed.
***Health update, Warning a long emotional post***😉
We’ve known something was very wrong with me for many years. Scott refers to my health challenges as whack-a-mole. Every time we get one thing under control, another equally devastating thing pops up. I’ve just gotten really good at putting a smile on my face and pretending that nothing was wrong. I’ve lived with debilitating pain, neurological problems such as constant dizziness and lightheadedness that is impossible to describe, terrible motion sickness, neuro-muscular issues, extreme fatigue, chronic migraines usually at least 20 days a month, other headaches, hormonal issues including infertility, and painful ovarian cysts, light and noise sensitivity, muscle weakness, nausea, and digestive problems, overwhelming anxiety and depression. I could go on. I’ve been to countless doctors, done myriad tests and procedures, visited several emergency rooms. Prayed, fasted, had blessing after blessing.
Eight months ago, on Easter, I was rushed to the ER because the room wouldn’t stop spinning. Since that day I haven’t been the same person. Things have gotten so much worse. Every day I seem to decline. There have been many days that I have thought I might not make it. I can’t do any of the things I enjoy anymore; little things like taking a shower are overwhelming tasks. I can’t even get dressed on my own. I can’t process a conversation or think clearly. I can’t spell; I feel like I’m going crazy. It is really scary to feel like this and have no control. I have felt the lowest of lows, so alone, so afraid, so hopeless.
After years of not knowing, I was just diagnosed with Chronic Lyme Disease. I can’t tell you what a relief that is for me to say. They’ve finally figured out what is wrong with me. It will be a long road ahead; there is no cure, just treatment to alleviate the symptoms.
I wanted to share this, not for sympathy, because I know everyone I know has their own hard battles. I wanted to share this because I finally have hope. I wanted to share this because this has become part of my story, and I’m going to own it and triumph in it.
I wanted to share this because I know I’m not alone. I couldn’t have made it this far without so many loved ones who have been deeply concerned about my family and me. I want you to know that, yes, it has been challenging, but it’s going to be okay. I need to put this out into the universe for some inexplicable reason. I also wanted to share this because I know that without a doubt, my Savior, Jesus Christ, is aware of my family and me. He knows how I’ve suffered, for he has suffered too. He will continue to be there to lift me up and carry me when I can’t do it on my own, and the way he’d done this so far and will continue to do this is through all of you, my dear friends and family. I am extremely blessed and so lucky; I have so much love and gratitude for you. There are so many little tender mercies that I hope to share someday. So many of you have saved me along this journey. I don’t have the energy or mental bandwidth to thank you all individually for everything you’ve done, so I wanted to thank you here.
Finally, I want to thank Scott. He has nver given up hope; he has held my hand, left me daily love notes of encouragement, been by my side at every doctor’s appointment, dried puddles of tears, made me laugh and smile, taken my mind off my pain when I think I can’t take it anymore, let me lean on him and guides me when I can barely walk, been my chauffeur, been my design assistant, taken care of our home, cooked, cleaned, done all of laundry, gotten Jake off to school and tucked into bed every single day, all while running a company. He’s never once complained. I know this has been hard on him, even though he would never admit it. He is my rock.
There is so much more I want to share, about diagnosing this disease, about having hope, about all the angels in my life that have sustained me through these dark times. I hope to share more soon.
Painting @jkirkrichards